Anomia - Part 3

Randy had spent days trying to win back Nora’s attention. She’d been ignoring him since their last interaction, when she’d gotten so upset with him that she’d stormed out of their group meeting. He’d tried to make things right between them, but somehow all he’d achieved was annoying her further.

Now, he’d given up on interacting with her directly. In all his previous attempts, she’d only give him single-word responses, or ignored him entirely. He couldn’t even remember the last time she’d made eye contact with him.

He was going to have to figure something else out.

Randy looked up eagerly when someone entered the recreational room, but was disappointed to see just another patient, the redheaded woman. Not Nora. Sighing, he returned his attention to the matter at hand: sorting through jigsaw puzzle pieces.

Across the table sat the tall, thin boy. Randy was helping him begin a new puzzle, and, as the boy liked to do, they were ignoring the image on the box. Instead, they spent an absurd amount of time going through each individual piece, meticulously deciding which pile of sorted pieces it should join. The boy had his own system perfected: a pile for edge pieces, a pile for each individual colour, a few miscellaneous piles Randy was unable to identify. Almost 20 minutes had gone by since they’d emptied out the box, and Randy was impatient for them to actually begin putting the puzzle together.

He grabbed the box to look at the picture. Before he could, it was slapped from his hand with a yelp, and Randy looked up to see the boy wide-eyed, maybe even more shocked than Randy was.

‘Sorry,’ he said. ‘I don’t like to look.’

‘I know. I’m sorry,’ Randy replied. ‘But… you’ve done this one before. Right?’ There were only so many jigsaw puzzles in the activities room, and the boy was always putting them together; Randy was sure he’d seen this one finished by the boy’s hand more than ten times over the last year.

The boy didn’t look up, continuing to sort the pieces. ‘I don’t know. I try not to remember.’

Randy nodded, pretending to understand. ‘Say, uh…’

The boy looked up as Randy trailed off, waiting. ‘Jamie. It’s Jamie. I’ve told you.’

‘Oh, I know. Jamie. Sorry. But, say, I was wondering… what do you think of Nora?’

Jamie’s eyes darted back to the table. ‘Nora… your friend. The new one?’

Randy laughed nervously. ‘I wouldn’t be so sure that we’re ‘friends’, exactly. Acquaintances, yes.’

‘Not friends anymore, you mean.’ Randy waited until the boy looked up. ‘After that fight you had, in group.’

‘Right.’ Randy sighed, regretting that their little squabble had been so public. ‘You were there, uh… Jay…’

‘Jamie.’

‘Jamie. Do you think I was rude to her?’

‘I don’t know. I didn’t really know what you two were arguing about.’

Randy wanted to say that he felt the same, but managed not to. ‘Thanks,’ he said, wondering what exactly it was he was thankful for. ‘Anyway, like I asked before. What do you think of her?’

‘What do you mean?’

‘I mean, have you talked to her at all? What’s your opinion of her?’

The boy sighed and continued sorting. ‘We’ve talked a little bit since she got here. She’s nice. Nice to me, anyway. Pretty, too.’

Randy nodded, waiting for more, until the boy looked up, his cheeks burning red. ‘Oh, no need to be embarrassed. I agree, J… um…’

‘Jamie,’ he said slowly, with a sigh.

‘I agree; she is quite attractive. You can relax; I’m not going to tell her you said that.’

Jamie nodded, looking back at the puzzle, carefully considering each piece and which small pile it belonged to. Randy had often wondered how the boy could sit in the same chair day after day, putting the same few puzzles together over and over, never seeming to grow bored or frustrated.

‘How long have you been here, again?’ Randy asked.

‘Almost a year.’

‘Same as me,’ Randy said with a proud grin. The boy nodded, returning a smile, though a little forced. ‘It’s a long time to be doing the same thing over and over, isn’t it?’

The boy shrugged. ‘I enjoy it. It passes the time.’

‘But, don’t you think it’d be nice to have something a little exciting happen? You know, something out of the ordinary. Just once, have a little rush.’

The boy shrugged, seemingly only half listening.

‘It’s okay,’ Randy said with a sigh. He pushed his chair back and stood. ‘I’ll let you get back to it. Enjoy yourself, uh… um….’

‘Jamie.’

‘Right. Jamie.’

Randy turned and left Jamie to his puzzle, realising that this may be more difficult than he thought. It was going to take some work to fully realise his plan, but when he did, Nora would appreciate him and talk to him again, as a friend, and he could finally return to finding out what made her so special, special enough that she was still the only person whose name he could remember. Nora.

*****

Randy’s day progressed as usual: the only thing different was the doctor’s recommendation for a new medication, as the concoction Randy had been using for so long had yet to make any noticeable difference. He accepted her request, immediately getting the new drugs from the dispensary at her insistence and taking one. He wasn’t worried about combining different prescriptions anymore; he’d been taking so many different ones for so long that one new one was unlikely to have any negative impact.

Afterwards, while in his room laying on his bed, considering his plan to win back Nora’s affection, he looked at the label on the small bottle that the woman at the dispensary had given him. It was labelled with a bunch of letters that appeared almost entirely random to Randy’s eye, with a short description below of its intended effects on repairing the taker’s memories.

On the back of the bottle, Randy read the many potential side effects, as he always liked to do. They usually baffled him; one, because they were so numerous and unlikely – after all, he’d never experienced a single negative one in all his time at the hospital – and two, it was entirely unclear how something that could help with his memory could also affect other seemingly unrelated areas. Among the list were potential loss of sleep or completely revamped sleeping pattern, erratic and disruptive behaviour, unreasonable false confidence, altered personality.

Randy laughed at the strange possibilities, though no stranger than most other medications he’d taken, but his quiet amusement was cut short when he was suddenly met with a brilliant idea.

He leapt up from his bed and walked through the halls as fast as he could without breaking into a run or appearing suspicious. When he found the door he was looking for, he knocked and waited.

‘Who is it?’ a voice came from within.

Randy announced himself, playing with the pill bottle in his pocket.

After a few moments, the door opened and the tall, thin boy stood looking down at Randy.

‘Randy?’ he asked, groggily. ‘What time is it? What do you want?’

‘It’s only the afternoon, uh… buddy. And I just wanted to talk a little bit more, about what we were discussing earlier.’

The boy sighed. ‘Look, Randy, I’m in the middle of taking a nap, which Doctor Hargrove recommends I do throughout the day to help with my anxiety. Can’t this wait?’

‘I know you’re busy, but if you’ll just give me a bit of time, I think what I have to say might help you a lot more than any amount of napping ever could.’

The boy rolled his eyes, visible even through his tired squint, and looked past Randy down the hall. ‘Well, you aren’t allowed in my room. Where are we supposed to talk?’

‘Maybe we can head back to the rec room. Talk over that puzzle?’

The boy reluctantly agreed, telling Randy to meet him there while he got dressed. Randy headed to the rec room and grabbed two plastic cups and filled them with water from the dispenser. He took them and sat by the puzzle, sorting a few pieces while he waited, but ultimately giving up the mundane activity almost immediately. Instead, he looked around the room, studying the other patients and staff. Nora was nowhere to be seen. The cranky old man was stationed in front of the TV set, as always. A few staff members walked around the room, both to help any patients in need of assistance and to ensure there was no aggressive misbehaviour.

Eventually, the boy entered the room, looking down sheepishly as he approached his puzzles and an eagerly waiting Randy.

‘Sorry again to bother you like this,’ Randy said, studying the boy’s dishevelled appearance, ‘but this really is going to be worth your while.’

‘I hope so, Randy.’

For a few silent moments, the two met eyes, Randy narrowing his as he studied the boy’s features in intense concentration.

‘Jamie,’ the boy said with a sigh.

‘Jamie. I know,’ he lied. ‘Please, have a seat.’ Jamie obeyed, sitting across the table. ‘Thirsty?’ Randy asked, gesturing to the cup of water he’d filled for the boy.

‘Thanks,’ the boy said, taking the cup and sipping. ‘So...? This better be important.’

‘Oh, it’s important. In fact, it’s probably more important than you might first realise.’

‘What does that mean?’

‘Just listen. You know how I was asking you about Nora?’

‘Your friend?’

‘Sure. I was asking what you think of her, because, well, I happen to know what she thinks of you.’

The boy narrowed his eyes and leaned closer across the table. ‘What?’

‘I mean, uh… friend, that Nora thinks you’re cute. She said so, to me.’

The boy’s features creased with confusion before his cheeks grew red and he bowed his head. ‘What are you talking about?’ he said quietly.

‘I’m talking about this being an exciting chance for you! How often does something like this come along in here, huh? In the last year, how many pretty girls have walked through this room and taken a liking to you?’

‘Well, none, but…’

‘But nothing, kid! You can’t pass up an opportunity like this. If you do, nothing will ever change in here for you. It’ll be puzzles, naps, drugs, and therapy all day and all night for another whole year. If you aren’t willing to break up the monotony of your life now, with this perfect opportunity thrown right into your lap, then I’m afraid you may never get another chance. And that’s not time I’d consider well spent. Would you?’

The boy considered Randy’s words. ‘Well, I’ve been trying to get better…’

‘And you are, believe me. I’ve seen your progress. And that’s why I know this can only be good for you; I know you, buddy. I know that Nora would be good for you, and that you’d both hit it off.’

Randy could see the boy slowly coming around to the idea, but still unsure.

‘How many times have I let you down in the time we’ve known each other?’ Randy asked.

The boy hesitated. ‘Uh, none, I guess…’

‘Right. Trust me, friend.’

‘I don’t know, Randy.’

‘What’s not to know? I guarantee you; make a move on her, and you two will be will be like two peas in a pod.’

‘I mean, I’ve barely even said a word to her since she got here.’

‘Exactly, kid. You’ve got a clean slate, which means endless possibilities. You already know she’s interested; all you have to do is make the first move.’

The boy sighed, leaning back and folding his arms in thought. Randy watched him with an eager smile, giving an encouraging nod every now and then when their eyes met. The boy took another sip of water and looked around the room before speaking again. ‘Alright. I guess I’ll give it a shot.’

‘There you go!’ Randy exclaimed, standing and raising his fists in triumph. He ignored the few odd looks he received from the other people in the room. ‘Trust me, pal, you aren’t going to regret it. Your time in here is about to start passing much faster.’

The boy smiled, though was still a little apprehensive in his brow, eventually leaning back over his puzzle and sorting through some more pieces. ‘Uh, thanks, Randy,’ he said, not looking up. Randy understood; the boy had a lot to think about, and getting back to the puzzle probably helped him calm his mind and sort his thoughts.

Randy slapped a hand on the boy’s shoulder before leaving, heading for the door. He turned back at the entrance, looking at the puzzle table and the boy craned over it, taking another drink from the cup of water, this one a little longer. Randy grinned, relieved and a little proud that he’d been able to dissolve the medication in the liquid enough for the boy not to notice as he swallowed its contents.

*****

With his plan in place, Randy fell asleep easier than he had all week, since upsetting Nora. Now that he’d effectively set up a romance between her and the thin boy, he was sure Nora would return to him, grateful for the assisted companionship, and finally start talking to him again, returning to their friendship. Once she did, he’d be able to learn enough about her to find out what made her so special. And, of course, as a small bonus, she’d have a new romantic partner to cure her boredom.

In the morning, however, something seemed wrong. He walked the halls looking for both the boy and Nora, but couldn’t find either of them. He first checked both their bedrooms, wondering if they’d hit it off so well that they’d broken the rules for some required privacy – though both rooms were empty. All the patients he then asked had no clue of their whereabouts, and the staff simply avoided his questions with disappointed head shakes.

It didn’t take long for Randy to panic. Perhaps his plan had been a little too clever, worked too successfully; the two may have discovered their love for each other even earlier than he’d planned and left the facility, deciding their affection was all they needed, and no amount of therapy could compare.

Eventually, Randy went to the doctor’s office, who he was also yet to spot all morning. He knocked on the door but didn’t wait for a response, instead bursting in with impatience and anxiety at where his friends may have disappeared to.

‘Doctor, I’m sorry, but have you seen…’ he began, but stopped soon after.

The doctor stood at the intrusion, apologising to the guest seated across from her desk: Nora. Nora turned and looked up at him with a grave expression before facing back to the doctor.

‘Randy, please, you can’t just come in here like that. This is a private meeting,’ the doctor said. Doctor Hargrove, he remembered, looking at the name on her desk.

‘I’m… I’m sorry, Doctor Hargrove. I was just…’ He looked between the doctor and Nora a few times before nodding an apology and backing out of the room, closing the door behind him.

Wondering what the private meeting could have possibly been about, he waited outside the door, hoping to see the boy walking past at any point, but didn’t. A few minutes went by before the door opened again, and Nora came out, her arms folded across her chest, eyes down.

‘If you need to speak to me again at any point, just let me know,’ the doctor said, following Nora to the door. ‘Oh, Randy. You’re still here,’ she said, spotting him. ‘What can I help you with?’

‘Thank you, doctor, but I was actually looking for Nora. I was hoping to talk to her,’ he said, speaking to the doctor but meeting Nora’s eyes. ‘If that’s okay.’

The doctor looked at them both as they held eye contact for a few tense moments, eventually broken by Nora sighing and rolling her eyes. ‘Fine. Sure. Let’s go.’

Randy beamed and nodded goodbye to the doctor, following Nora through the corridors to the rec room. They passed the puzzle table, unoccupied, though the puzzle he and the boy had been sorting still lay in its divided piles. Randy and Nora sat in the beanbag chairs in the relatively secluded library corner, the only two people in its space, able to have a somewhat private conversation.

‘What do you want, Randy?’ Nora asked. Her impatient tone was more subdued than it had been the last few times they’d seen each other.

‘Nora, is everything alright? What was going on with Doctor… Doc… the doctor?’

Nora leaned back and closed her eyes. ‘It’s not… I don’t know. I’m not sure I want to talk about it.’

Randy leaned closer, elbows on his knees in the bean bag chair. ‘Please, Nora. I know I upset you, and I’m sorry about that. But I want to help. I want you to talk to me again.’

Nora sighed. ‘It’s… That kid. Jamie.’

Randy’s stomach seemed to fall through the floor. ‘What… what happened?’

‘I don’t know even know how to…’ She sighed again, refusing to meet his eyes. ‘I just told the Doc everything, so I’ll just give you the short version. Last night, in the middle of the night, Jamie came to my room. Knocked on my door, and I answered, thinking it was staff or something. When I saw it was him, I asked what he wanted, said he wasn’t supposed to be in the women’s quarters at night, not even supposed to be out of his room. He said he wanted to see me, wanted to talk to me… get to know me better, or something. I laughed and said that was weird, and then, he… tried to kiss me. Just, leaned in, with this look in his eye… I don’t know.

‘I kind of freaked out. Screamed, I think, and pushed him away. He fell back, and some staff came right away, hearing the commotion. They took him away, and he kept saying he was sorry, but I… I don’t know. It all happened so fast. I feel a little bad for him, but, I mean, I don’t know what he thought would happen. Coming to my room like that, in the middle of the night, trying to… I just don’t understand.’

Nora shook her head in sad confusion, while Randy had temporarily forgotten how to breathe. ‘So, you’re okay?’ he managed after clearing his throat.

‘I’m fine. I was more shocked about the whole thing than anything. I’m more worried about him. I don’t know where they took him, but I don’t think he’s going to be back here any time soon.’

‘Good. I’m glad you’re okay. That’s not what I…’ He began, trailing off.

‘What did you want to talk to me about, Randy?’ Nora asked.

She met his eyes, but he quickly looked away, his guilt too overwhelming.

‘Look,’ Nora continued. ‘I know I’ve been an asshole, ignoring you and all that. But… you really just don’t understand what it’s like for me, being here. And seeing you, walking around, with your… name forgetting, just… doesn’t help. I just want to say I’m sorry, Randy. I don’t know how long we’ll be in here, but it’s probably not worth staying mad at you for however long that is.’

Randy closed his eyes, his breath finally returning, trying to keep it steady along with his heartbeat. There was no way he could let Nora apologise to him after what she’d just detailed. As much as he wanted to lie, he knew that if he was ever to get the truth about who she was, why her name was the only one he could remember, he was going to have to be honest with her, too.

‘Nora, you don’t have anything to be sorry for. I’m the one who should apologise. For those things I said to you the other day, and the way I’ve been trying to get you to talk to me again since.’

‘It’s okay, Randy. We can…’

‘No, that’s not all, Nora.’

Nora narrowed her eyes. ‘What?’

He inhaled deeply, wanting to close his eyes and dig himself a hole he could hide in indeterminately, but instead kept them open, on hers. He didn’t want any part of her to think he wasn’t being sincere. ‘I may have talked to… um… the boy, and told him that you liked him.’

Nora’s face remained eerily expressionless, though her harsh whisper betrayed some emotion. ‘What?’

‘I was just trying to set you two up because you said you thought he was cute so I thought you’d like each other and maybe even fall in love or something and then because I’d made it happen I thought you’d appreciate it and be grateful enough to talk to me again!’

Randy waited for her reaction, but all she did was stare at him, no change in her expression.

‘I’m sorry, Nora, I really am. I didn’t think he would… I just wanted…’

‘What? What did you think would…?’ She closed her eyes and tried to relax.

‘You said he was cute, so I just thought…’

‘We’re in a fucking psychiatric ward, Randy!’ she finally exclaimed, her hands stretched out before her. ‘He’s a fucking kid! And, believe it or not, I’m not fucking here to get laid, I’m here because I have no idea who I am and I want to fix that!’

‘I’m sorry, Nora,’ he began, his voice a shameful whisper compared to her enraged bellow. Around the room, he noticed the other patients and staff looking over at the noise. ‘I just wanted to help.’

‘Who? Because you weren’t helping me, Randy, and you definitely weren’t helping poor fucking Jamie! Everything you do is the opposite of helpful. Do you have any idea how frustrating it is just to be around you? To be in the same hospital as you? No, of course you fucking don’t. Why would you?’

‘Please, Nora,’ he said, trying to speak quiet enough that the room of people now gathering towards the library corner wouldn’t hear, ‘just tell me what to do to help. That’s all I want.’

‘All you fucking want is to help yourself, Randy! Not me, not Jamie, not anyone in here. You know what would help the rest of us? Figure all your own shit out before you go around trying to fix other people’s shit. Does that make sense to you? Until then, just fucking leave me out of it!’

‘I can’t leave you alone, Nora.’ Randy now had to ignore the gathered patients, the old man among them laughing, instead trying to just focus on her. ‘You’re different, special; I haven’t been able to remember anyone else’s name in over a year!’

Nora opened her mouth to yell her retort, but stopped, closing her eyes and shaking her head before speaking again, quieter. ‘Bullshit, Randy. That’s fucking bullshit. We both know I’m not fucking special.’

‘Of course you are, Nora! See? Nora! Nora, Nora, Nora. I can’t remember their names,’ he said, pointing at the patients and staff standing around the shelves above them. ‘His?’ he said, pointing at one of them. ‘No. Hers? Nope. You?’ he said, looking at the old man, his grin more annoying than Randy wanted to admit. ‘I know you, but I don’t know your name. I don’t know any of their names, Nora! Only yours!’

‘The only reason you can remember mine – that you think I’m special – is because your fucked up brain chooses to pretend I am!’

‘What is going on here?!’ a familiar voice interrupted. Randy and Nora heard it but didn’t move their eyes from each other’s. While Randy’s were pleading, Nora’s were seething with anger. ‘You two go back to your rooms, right now.’ Randy finally broke their gaze, not wanting to feel Nora’s burning into his anymore. The doctor… Hargrove glared at them both, continuing, ‘you’re causing far too much of a disturbance. I don’t want to have to sedate you.’

Randy had never seen or heard Doctor Hargrove so frustrated or disappointed in all his time at the hospital, but seeing the look in her eyes, her hands on her hips like an impatient parent, he realised the scene he was causing with Nora had gotten too far out of hand. He looked around the room; everyone who had been tending to their own activities had now gathered around their little library corner, standing over them to watch the argument.

‘I’m… sorry,’ Randy mumbled, mostly to the doctor, turning to Nora to offer a more sincere apology. Before he could, she stormed away through the crowd and left through the rec room doors. He watched the space where she’d disappeared for a few sorrowed moments before turning his attention back to the doctor. ‘I didn’t mean…’

‘Please, Randy.’ The doctor closed her eyes, too frustrated to deal with him. ‘Just go back to your room.’

He nodded, keeping his eyes on the floor as he awkwardly pushed past the crowd, feeling each of their eyes glued to him as he exited the room and headed for his own.

He lay in his bed, embarrassed and ashamed of everything he’d done. He’d only been trying to help, but his intentions clearly weren’t important now. Because of him, the young, thin boy who’d only wanted to sort and piece together his puzzles had likely been escorted from the hospital; the normally caring doctor had shown Randy a fierce disapproval he’d never seen; the entire ward had witnessed his most shameful failure; and worst of all, Nora thought even less of him than she did before he’d tried to help. All he’d wanted was her to speak to him again, to learn more about each other, so that he could finally discover what made her so special; why he could remember her.

Instead, he was further from that truth than he’d ever been. As he lay in his bed, arms folded over his face to hide him from the world, Nora’s final stinging words replayed in his mind, over and over. His brain was ‘fucked up’, as she’d put it – Randy would admit it long before anyone else – but hearing it from Nora’s lips with such venom made his spine shiver and his eyes well.

Exhausted from all the argument and its many implications, each replaying over and over in his mind, Randy rolled over in his bed, burying his face into his pillow, wanting nothing to do with the world or anyone in it for the foreseeable future.